I am a harbinger of great success.

I have been given many blessings in this life. Dashing good looks. A lush, rich, full head of hair. And a physique many men only dream of, just to name a few. But I have discovered I have another gift. A power one might even say, over the magical underpinnings of the college sports world. You see… whichever college campus I choose to make my home, success will surely follow. It was only after I arrived on campus at the University of Kentucky that the veritable renaissance that is the Calipari Era began. And upon my departure (read: graduation) the Pagans once again fell upon the City of God (see: Louisville Linebeard Legions and their unholy allegiance with the Rick Pitino [who for all we know has been possessed by demons for the last 10 years… I mean… look at the guy… he looks like the life has literally been sucked from him with a straw) Moreover, when it came time to school a school for me to continue my studies, I had two choices. The University of Washington, where I now attend, and the University of Michigan. The latter, being my second choice, NEVERTHELESS experienced great success only by my mere consideration! (although they ultimately fell short, because they, regretfully, lacked my full support) However, it now appears to me that my magical essence has begun to permeate the University of Washington Campus. (don’t feel violated Husky fans… this can only bring joy and elation!) While the Husky Football team ultimately fell short to conference foe and hated smart kid sanctuary Stanford, they were within a referee’s call from certain victory! (due, of course, to my magical aura) Furthermore, certain fake injury controversies, could easily be resolved if we simply assume it was the weight of my disapproval weighing down the Stanford players who, if they weren’t all approximately the size of silver back gorillas, would easily have been crushed under it.



(Actual image of incoming 5 star offensive lineman and Stanford recruit. Some question his academic eligibility, but the NCAA assures us he is the one of the brightest students to come out of the Congo this year.)

Therefore, with my magical abilities being nowhere in questions, I feel the need to point out that with College Gameday on Washington’s campus tomorrow and University wide morale never higher (this I feel is an undeniable fact due to my vast experience of 3 months on campus), Husky fans can be assured of certain victory over the ostensibly superior Oregon Ducks tomorrow.


(Gameday clearly felt the need to experience my corporeal greatness first hand)

So, in short, I am Gandalf. Washington over Oregon. And good day.



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