I am a petty and easily upset man

So, I was reading this article on Charlie Weis at Kansas, minding my own business… even enjoying myself if I do say so… When all of a sudden I reached the fourth section down. The article is about how Kansas football is terrible and how Weis is trying to turn it around yada yada. Once you get to the fourth section, however, they start talking about Kansas basketball and Andrew Wiggins just in passing. Some of the quotes mention all the hype that comes with Wiggins and imply that certain people at Kansas want it to die down. This makes me want to slap the shit out of every last one of them Tyrion style.

I didn’t really become a college basketball fan until I moved to Lexington from Fargo, ND and enrolled in the University of Kentucky. The level of excitement which surrounds that team in the state of Kentucky is absolutely unimaginable if you’ve never been there. So even though my freshman year at UK involved Billy Gillespie’s drunken swan song, I still immediately fell in love with the fans, the team, the school, and even found myself passionately rooting for the team in that year in the NIT.

Mitch Barnhart

“Billy were you drinking again?”


“Of course not what are you talking about?! Me drinking on a game night??? Never!”

Mitch Barnhart



“Ok, ok, ok so I had a few drinks”

Mitch Barnhart

“A few Billy?”


“Ok so maybe it was 19… idk”

In any event, by the time Calipari fell down to Kentucky from Heaven (read: Memphis, TN) I was already hooked and primed for a lifetime of happiness (and torment) with UK basketball.

seattle 92113 001

(Calipari really is a Jesus figure in the state of Kentucky. At least I think so. I edited my copy of Da Vinci’s Last Supper to say so)

So I say all this just to make clear that I have been VERY spoiled in my college basketball experience. My last 3 years at UK were Cal’s first 3 and Kentucky won the national title during my Senior year. All this on the back of John Calipari’s inhuman recruiting success. So, needless to say, I was crestfallen and devastated when we missed out on Wiggins this past offseason. I had delusions of 40-0, potentially the greatest college player ever, and easily the greatest collection of talent ever accumulated on one college roster. And then, Andrew Wiggins decided to go to Kansas. Balls.

The decisions of an 18 year old boy should not make me feel this way (especially when they’re only tangentially mentioned in an article which need not have concerned said boy at all and ESPECIALLY months after they initially broke my heart which was even more irrational in the first place) but they do dammit. I am so mad. Fucking wiggins! You could have had everything at Kentucky! You could have been the brightest supernova in a galaxy of luminescence!!! Now I have thoughts of Kansas officials bemoaning an excess of hype. I want to play Kansas in the tournament. I want to beat them by 50 points. And I want Julius Randle to be the #1 pick in next years draft. 

Gone are my dreams of a perfect season, but we can still win #9. We still have the most talented team in college ball this year. We still have a transcendent talent in Julius Randle. And we still have a demigod for a coach so all will be well in the end (and I shouldn’t irrationally hate 18 year old kids). John Calipari knows what he’s doing and our team has more firepower than Kaiser Wilhelm circa 1914, so I should just calm down and patiently wait for #9. In nomine Calipari fiat.


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